The doctor came into his office with a somber look on his face, and sat down across from John Crabtree. The two had known each other for a long time. They belonged to the same Rotary Club, played golf together a few times, and even lived on the same block in their subdivision.
“I’m afraid it’s worse than we thought,” Doctor Caldwell said. “This second batch of tests confirmed the cancer we found in the first tests. They also confirm that what we are dealing with is a more rare form of cancer – a form that we know to be very aggressive.”
John hated hearing the “C” word, cancer. But even more, he hated hearing it in the same sentence with the word “aggressive.” He hoped that the terror that was ripping around inside him wasn’t showing on his face.
“I want to operate as soon as possible,” Dr. Caldwell said. “I want to get that out of there, while it is still contained. And, it is possible that we may have to do chemotherapy or radiation, but we won’t know that until we get further down the road.”
John Crabtree wasn’t hearing anything Dr. Caldwell was saying. John was still trying to process the words “cancer” and “aggressive.” Finally the doctor stopped talking and John left the office. Instead of going back to work, he drove straight home. He couldn’t work. He couldn’t think. He could hardly breathe. The rest of that day John spent in a total fog. Sleep didn’t find him until sometime after 4:00 am.
Even though it was so late when he fell asleep the night before, John still woke up at his usual time. And he was surprised when he realized that he had awakened thinking about his first job at the little mom and pop pharmacy/soda fountain. He had never understood how the owners had always been so meticulous about the drugs they sold and so sloppy about the store’s financial records. True, they had hired John right out of school to clean up those records, but they never paid any attention to what he did. They always just took John’s word for the state of the store’s finances, something that John had used to his own advantage.
Never much to fret over morals or ethics or such, John quickly realized that he could skim the store’s profits without the owners ever knowing what he had done. Before the owners had decided to close their unprofitable store and retire, John had managed to skim enough to buy his first house, and start up his own business. Even the diamond engagement ring that his wife still wore, was bought by the money John had stolen.
Although John was always quick to say that those store owners were two of the nicest people he had ever met, he never felt any guilt about stealing their profits. He didn’t even feel any remorse when the owners gave him six months severance pay – because they felt so bad having to let him go when they closed their store. John always figured he had been a much better steward of the money he had taken, and he had worked very hard with long hours to build up the business he had started with those stolen profits. If anyone had ever asked him about it, John would probably have insisted that he deserved to have the money he had taken. He was much more careful with that money than the previous owners had been, and he had used it to build a very profitable business of his own. And at his business, no one but John had ever been allowed to touch the financial records. He would never be so careless as to let an employee steal from him!
John didn’t even have to worry about getting caught. He had watched his old employers pack the financial records in cardboard boxes, and had helped tape them shut. Then he had personally driven the boxes to the owners’ home, and even carried them up to their attic where he shoved them into a far back corner. He knew they would never look in those boxes again.
A few years later, John was surprised to hear that the home of his previous employers had caught on fire. When he called to offer his condolences and to volunteer to help them in any way they needed, John was delighted to hear that the store’s old financial records were some of the things lost in the fire.
John had committed the perfect crime. He would never be caught. He had put the stolen money to work building a legitimate business. And he never felt guilty about what he had done – until he woke up the day after hearing the words “cancer” and “aggressive” from Dr. Caldwell.
Suddenly John felt guilty. Why? And why now? It was all a long time ago. John had never stolen anything else.
“Look at what I’ve done with it,” John mumbled to himself as he trudged to the medicine cabinet for two aspirin. As he swallowed the aspirin John asked himself, “Why am I taking aspirin? I don’t have a headache.”
Later, on his commute to work, John passed a billboard that he had passed every day for the last five months. The billboard had the local sheriff’s picture with the words, “Crime doesn’t pay.” For the first time, John realized that the words applied to him. It was like the sheriff had rented the billboard just to accuse John on that particular day.
Just then John’s cell phone rang. The identifier listed Dr. Caldwell’s office as the caller. Suddenly the words “cancer” and “aggressive” came rushing back into John’s mind.
“Hello, Mr. Crabtree,” a woman said. “The doctor wanted me to telephone you and let you know that he had you scheduled for surgery the day after tomorrow at St. Luke’s Hospital.”
“Why so soon”
“The doctor said he wanted your operation to be scheduled as soon as possible. You will need to check in at 6:00 am. The nurse will call you later today with other details, and any time changes. Is this a good number for her to reach you?”
“Yes, this is my cell phone, and I always have it with me,” John answered.
“Please call us if you have any questions. Goodbye.”
John threw himself into his work the rest of the day. Only the nurse’s call reminded him about “cancer” and “aggressive.” But then he forced his mind back to work, and he worked very late so he could go right to bed when he got home. His plan worked. By the time he got home, he was so exhausted he fell into bed, and went right to sleep.
When John woke up, he found himself again thinking about the little pharmacy/soda fountain where his employers had always been so nice to him. He remembered what he had done to them, and guilt fell on him like a mountain of rocks. To avoid the self-loathing that began welling up inside him, John decided he might as well get up and go back to work. As his feet hit the floor, he looked at the clock. He had slept only twenty minutes.
“This is unacceptable, John,” he muttered to himself. “You have to get some sleep.”
“Are you okay, honey?” His wife rolled over, and opened her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just can’t sleep.”
“You thinking about the surgery? Do you need to talk?”
“No, I’m just going to get a glass of water. Go back to sleep.” Talk? How could he talk to his wife about what was waking him up? How could he tell her that the house in which they started their family was bought with money he had stolen from his employers? How could he tell her that his business was started with that money? That she was married to a thief?
“Get a hold on yourself, John,” he said as he sipped at the water. “You have got to stop thinking about that stuff. Right now, you need sleep. I’m tired, and I’m going to sleep!”
He did eventually fall asleep, but he kept waking up all night long. And every time he woke up, he found himself thinking about what he had done.
Mercifully, his alarm clock finally ended the most miserable night John had ever had. But when it sounded, John was already wide awake and staring at the ceiling.
“How could I have ever done such a thing? What was I thinking? Everything about me is a lie. I’ve stolen it all from the two sweetest people I have ever known.”
As he laid in bed, his whole body began trembling, from head to foot. John leaped up, so his wife wouldn’t feel her husband shaking like a frightened mouse. He was scared, so scared he could hardly pull his pants up. But he had to get out of the house before his wife woke up. He didn’t want her to see him like this! He had to do something! Tomorrow he would have to begin a fight against one of the most dreaded diseases known to modern man. He would have to fight for his life, but he had no life. All John had, he had stolen from two wonderful people whose only mistake was in trusting him.
What he really wanted to do was to hide under the bed, but he forced himself out the door. He had to do something, and he had to do it before it was too late. There were a million things to get done at work that day, but none of them would be accomplished. There was only one thing that Jon was going to do – he had to give back everything he had stolen.
He didn’t know how he would give it all back, but he knew to whom it must be given. John pulled onto the freeway and headed toward the home of his former employers.
To keep awake he turned on the radio. It was tuned to his wife’s favorite “oldies” station, and he heard the announcer saying, “Our next tune is Brenda Lee singing, ‘I’m Sorry.’” John quickly reached over and turned the radio off.
As he pulled into his employers’ old neighborhood, John noticed cars were parked all up and down both sides of the streets. Then he saw the front lawn of their house was spilling over with people and furniture. An auctioneer was in the process of selling a couch.
“I’ve bankrupted them!” John said out loud. “I’ve put them out of business and now out of their home! I’ve got to stop this!”
He screeched to a halt, double-parking right in front of the house. John jumped from his car and started yelling, “Stop! Stop! I’m buying it all! I’m going to give it all back to them!”
He ran up to the auctioneer, who asked John what he was talking about.
“I’m going to buy it all, and give it back to the owners! Name your price! I’ll pay whatever you want! They can’t lose any more!”
“Who are you talking about?” the auctioneer asked.
“The people who live here! I want to buy everything and give it back to them, even the stuff you have already sold to other people. I’ll pay double, no triple, for everything that has been sold.”
The auctioneer looked questioningly at John. “Sir, you do know the people who lived here are deceased? Don’t you?”
“What?”
“They are deceased. They were both killed in a car accident a couple of months ago.”
“But they can’t be dead. I have to give something back to them. I have to! They can’t be dead!”
“I’m sorry,” the auctioneer said as John turned away from him.
John began trembling again, more than before. He couldn’t even make it back to his car. He just collapsed at the curb, and sat there shaking with fear. Soon he began sobbing uncontrollably.
“Are you okay?” an older lady asked.
John couldn’t even answer. He just kept on sobbing.
“I guess you didn’t know they were killed in that accident. I’m sorry. We tried to get hold of everyone who knew them. Are you related to them somehow?”
John shook his head.
“I didn’t think they had any family but their son, and he is in that home for the mentally disabled. I’m sorry we didn’t know to get the news to you. Were you a close friend?”
“I just had to give something back to them,” John answered.
“Oh my. I don’t know how to help you with that.”
Still shaking badly, John forced himself to his feet. He made it back to his car, took out his cell phone, and started dialing.
“Dr. Caldwell’s office.”
“Hello, this is Mr. John Crabtree. Please tell Dr. Caldwell to cancel my surgery. It was scheduled for tomorrow.”
“Does the doctor know about this?” the attendant asked sternly.
“He will when you tell him,” John said as he turned off the phone.
John started the car, drove straight home, and went back to bed. He pulled the covers over his head, and would talk to no one, no matter how long they pleaded with him.
A week later, John got out of bed and glumly headed back to work. He passed the sheriff’s “Crime doesn’t pay” sign, and said, “You’re telling me.”
He tried to work all that day, but managed to accomplish exactly nothing. Every time he was asked to make a decision he got choked up with fear, imagining all kinds of horrible results from any decision he would make. He couldn’t even decide if he wanted coffee when his secretary asked him. She brought it anyway, but he never drank it.
On his way home from work, he couldn’t decide which one of the two usual routes he would follow. So he just pulled the car to the curb and shut off the engine. He sat there totally paralyzed.
After about thirty minutes, a truck pulled away from where it had been parked. With it out of the way, John noticed the sign in front of the church. It read, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”
John read the sign. Rubbed his eyes, and read it again.
“So that’s what this is all about!”
John had never been a religious man. The only times he had ever been in a church was for weddings or funerals. He had prayed a few times as a child, but had given it up as useless. Now here he was, confronted with a sign that explained everything he had been experiencing.
“Well, God, I must be getting really smart because I sure am afraid! I’m afraid to stay home, afraid to go to work, afraid to make decisions, afraid to have surgery, afraid to live and afraid to die. And most of all, even though I have never believed in you, I’m afraid of what you will do to me if I don’t undo the evil I did so long ago. So there you have it! I must be getting wise because I sure am afraid of you! But I don’t feel wise, because I don’t have a clue what I can do about all this. Maybe you should have started earlier on making me afraid, because I don’t know how I can give back what I stole if the people I stole if from are dead. So what are you going to do about that, God?”
Suddenly it clicked inside his brain – like the proverbial light bulb being turned on. John took out his cell phone and called his lawyer.
“Hi, this is John. I want you to cancel our planned expansion. Yes, I know that was a lot of work putting it all together, but we’re canceling it. I want you to put all that money into a trust fund for a disabled person living in some institution. No, I don’t know his name. No, I don’t know the name of the institution. We’ll find that out later. Just stop the expansion. And get us ready for a lot of other cutbacks at work too. We’re going to chop everything to the bone. No, we won’t lay off anyone. I know some people who wouldn’t like that, but we’re going to cut away all the other fat. I know it’s risky, but just do it. And mortgage my home and empty my bank accounts and stock portfolio. Put it all in the trust fund for the disabled guy. Why? Because I’m going to start taking care of him for some friends who can’t do it anymore. He’s going to live like a king. I’m going to treat him like my own son. I know it’s risky in this economic time! Just do it! I know I’m putting everything I own into that trust fund. Yes, I’ll just start over – from scratch. Oh, and call that cancer doc. Do what you have to do to get me scheduled for surgery again. Yeah, I know he will probably make me take those tests all over again. Well, make him happy. Because, by God, I’m planning on being happy from here on out!”
When John finally checked in for surgery, after another battery of tests, his doctor met him in the waiting room. “John, I’ve got some unbelievable news for you. Your cancer is gone. You must know somebody in a very high place, because the kind of cancer you had doesn’t just go away.”
So, instead of surgery that day John took his wife out for breakfast. And right before the pancakes arrived, John got down on his knees and asked his wife to renew their wedding vows. He told her he wanted to marry her all over again, and even buy her a new engagement ring. They spent the rest of the day shopping and making plans. Of course he had to use credit cards, because all his cash was invested someplace else.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and much more. Much, much more.
Questions for Meditation, Discussion or Preaching
Copyright 2020. Robert D. Ingram, 32746 Jourden Rd., Albany, Ohio 45710 (dr.bobingram@gmail.com). Used by permission.
